Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Someone shit on the floor
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
