So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
