I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
