so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
