Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
