From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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