3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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