I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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