My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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