the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
