im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
