broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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