this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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