The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
