there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize