wat bout pragnant strippers??
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
