Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
