i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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