white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
