ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
