Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
