I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
