Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
