I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
