oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
