I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
