just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
