it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
