just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
