you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Mom said you looked used
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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