Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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