All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
