dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
