My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
