Having a random hookup so left but love u
I skipped work to stalk him.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
