How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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