I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
literally had 100 drinks last night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
