you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
