You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
