why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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