He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
