ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need to calm my uterus...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
