You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
