my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
