watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We left the knife in your bed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
