Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
