We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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