She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
