I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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