My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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