Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
