Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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