just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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