I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
