Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
God, I missed his penis.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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