Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize