in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
