Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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