Sry I called you an 8
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Randomize
