This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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