I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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