i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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