You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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