I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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